Don't Be an Idiot

I just overheard a conversation at the bar that made me laugh. An older gentleman came in and ordered an IPA. He seemed to get a little confused when the bartender asked, "Which one?" I thought that was a little weird. Usually people who drink IPAs know better than to just order a style of beer, especially since the bar we're in provides you a beer menu that organizes their beer selection by style. What really sets me to giggling is when he corrects the bartender by saying, "It's really not a beer. It's an ale."

Now, I'm fully aware that bartenders are often idiots, but seriously, if you're going to correct the guy, at least know what you're talking about. I know that most of my readers may not even know what and IPA is or even what the acronym stands for, but you're not going to be trying to correct anyone about it either, then, are you? I'm cool with that. Ignorance is fine as long as you don't try to pretend you know what you're talking about.

I'm not going to go correct a brewer on on some of the finer details of brewing science. I'm perfectly aware that I don't have mastery of that knowledge set, especially on a professional scale. I'm also not going to second guess a farmer just because I grew up on a working farm. My parents and grandparents weren't farmers either, so my knowledge is limited. I do know some tidbits, especially about environmentally sound farming practices, but I'm aware I don't know enough to go around correcting guys whose livelihoods depend on them knowing how to farm. I'm what Doctors of Education would refer to as "conscious unskilled," which means that you know enough to know you don't know enough. That's better than unconcious unskilled, which means you don't even know enough to know that there's something you don't know. There's also conscious skilled, which means you know what you need to know, but have to think about it, and unconscious skilled, which means you've gotten to the point that the knowledge is recalled and put into use automatically.

Obviously, this guy had gotten a very small slice of beer knowledge, but remained at the unconscious unskilled level, but thought he was at one of the skilled levels instead.

And to keep the less geeky of you in the know, ales are beers. It's kind of like squares and rectangles. All ales are beer but not all beer is an ale just like all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares. Beer is the name for all fermented beverages that are made with malt and hops (or really just made with malt, hops are almost universally used, but there are a few historical remnants that use other bittering agents). Ales are produced using ale yeast (which ferments at a warmer temperature and more quickly with a fruitier aroma and flavor) and lagers are produced with a lager yeast (which ferments cooler and with a more neutral aroma and flavor.) Budweiser and all of the typical BudMillerCoors crap are lagers as are Heineken, Stella Artois, Celebrator and almost anything called a bock or pilsner. Some of these are even good beers. Pretty much anything else, especially if it's made by a brewery you've never heard of, is an ale. Porters, stouts, IPAs, pale ales, ESBs, golden or blonde ales, and brown ales are all ales. They're all still beer. The only difference is the yeast and how it works.

IPA stands for India Pale Ale. The style originated early in the British colonization of India. Hops, in addition to serving as a flavoring agent, serve as a natural preservative. Hoppier beers just last longer. Alcohol also serves as a natural preservative. India is a long way from Great Britain and the fastest mode of transportation was still a ship propelled by wind. The normally mild and weak English beer just spoiled before getting to India after the weeks it spent in the hot holds of the ships. English brewers, not wanting to move to India, just dumped in more hops and added a bit more malt to produce more alcohol a couple of points, and the result was India Pale Ale, a pale ale destined for India. By the time the beer actually reach India, the time and heat had mellowed the hops to the point that the beer tasted about the same as it would have if it had brewed normally. How the beer got to be popular fresh is unclear. All of the stuff was originally sent straight to the British stationed in India. One legend says that one of the ships wrecked off the coast of England and the barrels floated to shore and the locals became the first ever "hop heads". More likely, one of the local brewers started serving his IPA locally to see if there was a market for it, or the British troops returning home started asking for that stronger beer they'd fallen in love with overseas.

If Severo doesn't find something to ridicule in this post, he's just not even trying.