Actually it's the spawn of Keith Urban, but since I think Nicole Kidman is the source of all evil (have you actually looked into her eyes, they're portals to hell I tell you!), I prefer to refer to her child as the spawn of Satan. And since I find referring to Satan as Stan hilarious, we'll stick with Spawn of Stan as the title for this here piece.So, if you haven't heard, Nicole Kidman is knocked up. I know I'm not a proponent of the belief that the world is falling apart and the signs of the apocolypse are upon us, but the signs of the apocolypse are upon us. There's no other exlanation for this child than the coming of the antiChrist. I mean she's evil and he's a modern country musician.
I'm switching to the Republican side and seeing if Chris would actually take that trip up God's Highway with me.
And while I'm aware that this news is very depressing, this isn't the gloomy post I promised you yesterday. That's still in the hopper (how I still loathe that term) and will probably come around to it before the next week. I ended up brainstorming three much peppier posts today, so it may be a few days before I need to type up the big bummer post and get it uploaded.
5 comments:
Awwww. You assume we all know you so well that you don't even have to mention that a major reason for you distaste of Nicole Kidman is her tiny, inhuman size. I'm sure Stan is wiping away the 'dust' in his eyes now.
Does anyone find it weird that Tom Cruise has a child and now Nicole Kidman is pregnant, but supposedly, they couldn't have any children when they were married? (thus, the two adopted children they have - yeah, I know too much about all this)
Maybe Satan couldn't procreate with a Scientologist? Or maybe Tom is gayer than gay and just got wasted and had sex ONE TIME with Katie, thus cute little Suri... just sayin'.
Shit, I can't wait for the real bummer. I just hope Stan's offspring has her hair rather than his. Keith Urban's hair is almost as contrived and effeminate as Bon Jovi's.
That kid won't have Keith Urban's hair unless Nicole goes to town with the highlights. And no child should have to endure that until they're good and ready.
I'll give you this: You found the perfect scary-ass photo of Nicole Kidman to support your stance.
While she is fairly frightening, I can think of much worse people to procreate. As much as I hate to admit it, I watched the movie "Bewitched" one boring, lonely night in New York last month. And Kidman came across as unusually warm -- almost human -- in that movie.
And while playing a witch. Go figure.
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