I actually don't have any exes. Not even girlfriends. I went on a few dates in high school, but never more than once, so I can't really qualify any of those girls as girlfriends. Honestly, it was just two girls, and one of those was a failed attempt to get out of going to the homecoming dance with a friend (that story may be coming soon). I didn't really date in high school, and I'm sure that had everything to do with my not finding the right girl and nothing to do with my general dorkiness.
Oh, and there were a couple of girls earlier in high school before they were allowed to date (and I'm not sure I was, but I never had a reason to ask), but those always fizzled after a couple of weeks of tentative phone calls and the girls always ended up being obese whores before they graduated high school. It's probably better that I didn't turn those into actual relationships after all.
But the real point of this post is that the stupid song referenced in the title has been stuck in my head for the past two days. On a semiregular basis, I've had "All my exes live in Texas. That's the place I really love to be. All my exes live in Texas. That's why I live in Tennessee." And I'm not even sure those are the correct words and I have no plans on looking up the words to a really cheesy country song. Sometimes I hate myself.
And has anyone noticed that Cartman on South Park is perhaps one of the greatest comedic characters ever? I mean he's the bizarre mash-up of child-like innocence, harmless megalomaniac, and psychopath that makes every other comedic character just look flat and lifeless.