Thursday, May 29, 2008

All My Exes Live in Texas

I actually don't have any exes. Not even girlfriends. I went on a few dates in high school, but never more than once, so I can't really qualify any of those girls as girlfriends. Honestly, it was just two girls, and one of those was a failed attempt to get out of going to the homecoming dance with a friend (that story may be coming soon). I didn't really date in high school, and I'm sure that had everything to do with my not finding the right girl and nothing to do with my general dorkiness.

Oh, and there were a couple of girls earlier in high school before they were allowed to date (and I'm not sure I was, but I never had a reason to ask), but those always fizzled after a couple of weeks of tentative phone calls and the girls always ended up being obese whores before they graduated high school. It's probably better that I didn't turn those into actual relationships after all.

But the real point of this post is that the stupid song referenced in the title has been stuck in my head for the past two days. On a semiregular basis, I've had "All my exes live in Texas. That's the place I really love to be. All my exes live in Texas. That's why I live in Tennessee." And I'm not even sure those are the correct words and I have no plans on looking up the words to a really cheesy country song. Sometimes I hate myself.

And has anyone noticed that Cartman on South Park is perhaps one of the greatest comedic characters ever? I mean he's the bizarre mash-up of child-like innocence, harmless megalomaniac, and psychopath that makes every other comedic character just look flat and lifeless.

5 comments:

Meaghan said...

I think it's "that's why I hang my hat in Tennessee." I may now go kill myself for knowing that. Growing up in Podunk, Tennessee, you hear stupid music like that ALL THE TIME.

I love that you said those girls were obese whores by the time you graduated - because I graduated with a few of those myself. Made me laugh!

JustinS said...

I'm wondering if they became obese whores because things didn't work out with you. You broke them. When they finally figured out they couldn't have Jacob they tried to fill the void with Twinkies and cock, sometimes both at the same time.

Chris said...

Filling voids with Twinkies and cock.

What more is there to say?

Mickey said...

I hate having to comment after justins. It's tough.

Since we don't get Comedy Central I don't get to enjoy Cartman except on DVD. Stewie Griffin fills that void nicely, though, as long as we're talking about voids.

Julie said...

How about ho-hos leading to hos?
Or ding-dongs with ding-a-lings?
Little Debbies doing Dallas?