Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Jacob Angry! Jacob Smash!

I just saw another ad for The Incredible Hulk and every time I see one, it makes me angry. I mean, the last one was only released in 2003 and I don't really think that five years justifies a remake. Seriously, is Hollywood so hard up for scripts that they're having to remake movies that aren't even eligible for Kindergarten yet? Honestly, I'm not a huge fan of the remake thing to start with, with the exception of remaking foreign films given the fact that most people aren't going to get a chance to see the great films not made in English unless we rip them off.

I heard that this was perhaps Marvel's attempt to make a movie they felt was truer to the franchise, but screw that. Marvel got paid enough for the last one that they shouldn't care if it was bastardized. This is just a blatant money grab because Marvel and the producers know the silly fanboys would be psyched at the opportunity to see yet another Hollywood action flick about the big green bruiser.

But really, I think all of my ire comes from the simple fact that I would make a lousy superhero if I had been turned into the Hulk. After all, I'd get all worked up and wreak havoc in LA over some stupid unnecessary movie and then stand idly by while some dude blew up a bus. I'd feel a little fear from the violent act, but I wouldn't get all that angry about it. It takes a lot to get me angry unless it's insignificant.

A few other things that would trigger my inner Hulk, if I had one:

1. Anti-gay marriage protesters.
2. The stupid fucker who defaulted on a couple of credit cards, moved, changed his phone number and has a very similar name to mine.
3. Whoever the genius was who attached my phone number to this collections file.
4. Every last collections agency that ended up with the file after I proved to the previous agency that it wasn't me.
5. The dick who called from the newest agency today who just hung up on me mid-sentence when I tried to tell him I'd already verified to other companies that they had the wrong guy.

The only good side to the whole collections agency thing is that it's not attached to my social security number and only my phone number. The address and social security number attached to the file have nothing to do with me or anywhere I've ever lived. It's not a credit rating worry for me because of this, but it is a serious pain in the ass considering too many phone calls from people I know even get on my nerves. The best one was the pushy jerkoff who started yelling at me when I got tired of her badgering and told her that because I knew this account wasn't attached to my SS number that I didn't really care what she tried to do because it wouldn't affect me. I hung up on her mid-sentence and could hear her shrill threats until the handset hit the cradle.

12 comments:

Meaghan said...

Man, those collections people are scary ridiculous, aren't they? Geez! I hate that you are getting phone calls because some loser has a similar name to you and your phone number is on his info. Have you tried simply saying, "I'm sorry, you have the wrong number."

Oh, and I didn't think this was a remake of "The Hulk." I thought it was a sequel. If you recall in the last one, it ended with them thinking he was dead, but he really washed up on shore of some island. I guess I figured this was just him returning for revenge or what not, but I could be wrong.

Courtney said...

I didn't see the last Hulk movie, but I like Ed Norton so I may see this one. But I do hate to think about all the good movie scripts out there that aren't being made because Marvel needs to make a little extra scratch.

Jacob said...

Meaghan: The "You have the wrong number" thing never works. Too many of the people who really owe money use that same tact.

Hank Gay said...

You should totally get all "Jake Angry! Jake SMASH!" on the next collections call.

Also, the new film isn't a remake: it started off as a sequel but is now considered a "reboot". Basically, they're pretending the first one never happened and they give a different backstory in flashbacks.

Jacob said...

Dude, reboot is just a geekier way of saying remake. They're making two different Hulk movies within five years of each other. This is incredibly lame, although I share Courtney's sentiments about Edward Norton.

Hank Gay said...

Also, this is the perfect excuse to post one of the best Onion articles ever: Why No One Want Make Hulk 2?

JustinS said...

The new Hulk movie should have just been 90 minutes of Ed Norton painted green and running around to different video stores to destroy copies of the Ang Lee version.

Actually, though, I think the biggest problem with making a Hulk movie is ending it. Unless you cure Bruce Banner at the end (thereby destroying your hopeful franchise), you can't possibly get any closure.

Mickey said...

I agree with Hank. Just fuck with them next time they call. Have some fun with it.

I'm just not going to go to lame-ass remakes anymore. Or TV shows made into movies. Original ideas only, please. There have to be a few decent scripts floating around out there.

Julie said...

Isn't it fun to smash things? Even to talk about smashing things is fun in my book.

I have to disagree with you about the being a super-hero thing, though. Critics have said that the very reason Spider-man is so popular is his accessibility. He was an everyman until something extraordinary happened to him. Your morals would insist that you capitalize on special abilities for the betterment of society. If you don't the uncle that raised you gets shot by the crook you let go.

Jacob said...

Julie: Comments two days in a row? Are you sick? I wasn't commenting on my moral ability, just my ability to activate my powers. If getting angry is required to turn on my superpowers they aren't going to be activated very often. Anger isn't one of my default emotions and I don't think faking it would work.

Kyra said...

I think people are losing their minds in any industry that deals with collecting payments. I've had weird experiences there too. I agree, mess with their heads.

Chris said...

Maybe the Hulk people are trying to imitate the Batman franchise, making a new movie every few years with all different actors. Let's hope not.

I get collections calls (not to mention mail) for people who used to live here. Fortunately their names are not remotely close to mine (Hispanic names, mostly), so it's pretty easy to convince the caller that person doesn't live here.