Today was the first day that students were back. I haven't posted about returning to work this week in part because teaching without students isn't really that much work. I spent the first two days entirely entombed in meetings, several for seminars on stuff I did before coming to this school, which made them that much more boring. The other two days were largely spent in my room preparing for today while not actually thinking about what I was actually preparing for.
I've been really yearning to get out of the classroom for the past six months now, and sadly I've been unable. I was passed over for the media specialist position at my school last spring, although for reasons I understand and unfortunately agree with even though they had nothing to do with my qualifications versus those of other applicants. My e-mailing of every school within reasonable commuting distance turned up a big batch of nothing when it came for looking for other media specialist positions outside of my current school. Then, this summer, I applied for a web content position and didn't even get a call back after e-mailing my resume. That one bugs me a little bit. I think I was qualified enough for at least an interview, but the weeks ticked away until the point that even if they did call me back I couldn't take the job. It's one of the side-effects of teaching. You may get that nice summer break and other free weeks during the year, but you also are legally bound to work there for the entire term. I could quit and break my contract to take a better job, but I'd be giving up any chance for work within public education for good. I know I'll never teach again, but there are a few positions outside of the classroom that I wouldn't mind having. That and giving up future options isn't something I've ever liked doing. Plus, how's it going to look on my resume that I broke contract and left my students and fellow teachers in the middle of a school year? It's probably not a good idea. But as I've mentioned before, this is my last year teaching. If I can't find a media specialist or counselor position at a school that will hire me on a provisional basis until I finish the requirements for the certificate (something that happens on a regular basis here due to the remoteness of the region), I'm going to give up my free summers and find a job elsewhere, even if it requires moving, which in all likelihood it would. There's almost no market for college-educated job seekers in this part of the world unless you're working for the government somehow.
I know I have it made in certain aspects of my job. There are very few jobs in the world where I get the equivalent of about three months of vacation time between summer break, spring break, Christmas, and scattered days off. I don't have to worry too much about retirement because the pension plan for teachers in this state would cover me even if I didn't save a dime. It's the time in between with being expected to succeed in teaching kids who resist at every point in the process, don't care, insult me, and respond with anger to simple requests and my response is limited to ways that many of these kids feel they're getting away with it. Teaching the lower level kids is a constant stream of frustration and emasculation. There are some classes that are better than others, but even then I'm just not the right fit for the job.
I know that it's not just that I'm lazy and can't handle stress. I actually loved working for the newspaper when I was there. If K could have handled being alone for most of the week and the opportunity for a better paycheck in the relatively near future had been apparent, I'd probably still be there. I think I was the only person there who actually liked that job. I can't even remember ever dreading going into work when I worked for a grocery store as a bagger and clerk in high school and that's a seriously less that perfect occupation.
And yes, I'm aware that I'm whining and depressing on this post. I tried to transition after a couple of sentences into a humorous story about a job I actually liked as a kid, but I wasn't feeling funny today. I also know some of you others have jobs you dislike and seem offended when I post here about my work-related frustrations, but I warned you earlier, so it's your fault for reading. Venting like this helps some, and I know I'm not going to just sit down and write a vent session unless I'm using it to fill space on my blog. Plus, I'm perfectly incapable of verbally expressing stuff like this, so I can't just force this on K in one big gripe session even if I wanted to. Questions about work are typically greeted with fluff answers, grunts, or nothing more than a darkening of my expression and silence depending on my mood at the moment.
Despite that I promise not to write one of these whiny-butt posts until the next time I feel frustrated with my work life.
Doesn't it suck for you that my summer break is over?
4 comments:
I know how you feel, and it sucks. Unfortunately I don't have any solutions for you. I have applied for more than 100 jobs in the past four months and have not gotten a single interview.
I actually didn't mind copy editing either. I didn't like the hours or the pay or our asshole bosses, but I liked the work itself.
Maybe you'd like teaching better if you lived in a place where people value education a little more. No offense to your hometown, but it sounds like school just isn't a priority there for most people. When you have students who are on board, I bet the whole thing gets easier.
Eh. It's the same everywhere. You go to a "good" neighborhood in one of the wealthier suburbs and you may end up with more kids who get good grades, but you have to deal with more spoiled brats and parents who believe the child is always right. I've heard enough teachers from good schools in better neighborhoods complaining about the parents and self-absorbed brats in those schools to know that I wouldn't like teaching there any more. We have more poor kids and a lower percentage of those self-motivated kids, but our cream is less spoiled.
It's really just a matter of someone who doesn't really like a lot of human contact shouldn't really be working in a job with this much human saturation.
I've thought with this whole pregnancy thing that I'll probably be one of those people who likes my kids, a few nieces and nephews and that's it. I'm not a kid person and probably never will be. I'm thinking you fall in that category, too. It seems to take people who really love kids and teenagers to enjoy a job of teaching. Hats off to them because I can't really relate.
Sorry about the Web content job. They hired someone soon after you turned your info in, and the guy who was doing the hiring said he never saw your stuff from HR. I don't know...
Good luck. I'm well aware of how tough it is to find your ideal occupation -- or even to figure out what it should be. I'm in no position to complain about my job, though. It's very good to me in a lot of ways.
I say: use subtle but biting sarcasm against the asshole kids. They probably won't get it, but you can feel a little bit better inside.
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