Thursday, September 04, 2008

Girls Are Stupid

I heard a couple of girls in my class the other day expressing surprise that the boys in one of their other classes actually preferred the appearances of a girl who was a little chunky over the much more slender girl they thought looked better.

I didn't jump into this conversation, because honestly it wasn't my place and it would have been highly inappropriate, but those girls really don't understand the male mind at all. Guys like a cute face, boobs, and a butt that shows off the higher hips to waist ratio of the female body. There's a reason Jennifer Lopez is famous and it's not because she's a talented musician or actress. I really think many women underestimate just how lenient men are in every other aspect of the female appearance when they judge your appearance (which all straight men are going to do regardless of their outward progressiveness). Your stomach not quite flat and toned? Most men really don't care, and the ones who do are complete assholes. And idiots, because did the guy not notice the fun parts? What's wrong with that guy?

And seriously, guys like big butts. Why do you think strippers always bend over in their acts even before they've taken their clothes off? It's because it makes their butts look bigger! Sir Mixalot was entirely correct in his assessment, although sadly I'm not sure why he wanted to bring his anaconda into it. Reptiles and sexy posteriors really should not be combined.

Now, I'm not saying go out and eat yourself into one of those tubs of lard who posed naked for Spencer's gag birthday cards. Men like healthy too. I'm just saying that if you're worried about five or ten pounds because you're worried about how the opposite sex will look at you, then you're worrying over something stupid.

As for the guys, it's an entirely different story. You look like crap unless you have a flat stomach and broad shoulders. In fact, I'd say men have a much narrower range for the ideal body type and physical appeal drops off more rapidly as you veer from that range than it does for women. And yes, since I have neither strong, broad shoulders nor a flat stomach, I'm including myself in the group that looks like crap. I just don't care. My wife is half blind. I'm pretty much set.


That guy said...

Preach on brotha jacob, count me as not a fan of the 10 year old boy look on women.

Justin said...

I read once that one of the reasons men like the boobies is because cleavage bears a resemblance to the booty.

I'm sure there's some base, full-boobs-equal-ability-to-feed-younguns part to it, too, but I always thought the boob/booty thing was interesting.

And you're welcome. I used the words boobs, booty, cleavage, and boobies a combined ten times in this comment. Your hits from searches are sure to quadruple.

Jacob said...

Heh heh. I get two comments within an hour after putting this up.

Both from men of course. Boobs and booties always draw in the creeps (i.e. people with penises).

Julie said...

If you didn't want a girl to comment, you could have just said so.

From the conversations we have in my house, though, I'd say you have it backward. Matt usually says something about how girls are mean and I counter with boys are stupid because girls tend to be malicious while boys are just oblivious.

Unless there are boobies involved. And then, men are oblivious to everything except the boobies.

Jacob said...

Well, Julie, the original title "Some Girls are Stupid When It Comes to Their Own Appearances" was too long and not attention grabbing enough, so I shortened it.

And actually, none of the women I know well enough to care (and to know their stance on the issue) about think this way, but it is a really commonly held belief by many women, especially ones who can really qualify for girlygirl.

sid said...

LOL! I'm so glad you said this. Looked at myself in the mirror this morning and was not at all pleased by the size of my stomach. Of course this doesn't mean that I'll just spend all my time sitting in front of the time. I still want to go out there and do SOME exercise.

Courtney said...

By "men," I think you mean "you." Not all men prefer one body type, just like not all women have an identical standard of beauty. People like all different body types. I don't like stick thin girls (or guys) either, but some people do. For example, you know I'm pretty skinny, but my parents have been calling me fat for years.

Chris said...

If you really wanted a catchy title, you would have quoted Sir Mixalot.

I generally agreed about liking a curvy body type, although I'm very uncomfortable with Justin's cleavage-booty comparison. I'm quite turned off by cleavage that looks like a butt crack.

I think it would an interesting experiment to survey people about their own body image and then survey 10 of their friends and family. I predict very few people (men and women alike) see themselves in the same way that others see them.

Jacob said...

Courtney: I think you're taking the post a little too seriously, but I also think that I'm more in the majority here than you think. I even acknowledged that there are those who are into the anorexic look, but I think they're about as common as guys that dig the Roseanne Barr body type. That and if you're parents are saying your fat they should probably be receiving antipsychotic medication. You're not grotesquely thin like a model, but you wouldn't even qualify for pleasingly plump and that's not even close to chubby. If you look into historic presentations of feminine beauty and sex appeal you'll also notice that the thin is in thing is non-existent until the end of the 20th Century.

But my real point here is that guys really aren't that picky. I'd like to think that women make all of their self-image judgments based on health and fitness and personal preference, but the fact is that a lot of it is driven by that biological drive to find a mate and not everyone is secure enough. If you're in a healthy weight range you really aren't going to turn away any guys with your body. Guys who are work-out obsessed and aren't athletes are usually more concerned about how they look to women than they are for their own satisfaction.

Jacob said...

And I also basically gave approval of everything except skeletal and morbidly obese. I can't really see that as disenfranchising too many male tastes.