You So Scary

You want to know what I most dread about being a teacher? Dealing with the parents. Back at the alternative school it was because the parents were always in denial or assumed I was out to get their little precious. Of course it was always somehow my fault that one of the worst kids in our school threatened to bean me with a chair. I honestly didn't realize that asking him, "Please don't hit that kid with a chair," in an emotionless voice was so provoking.

To be fair, maybe he mistook what I said as "I had sex with your mama last night." The two sentences do sound a lot alike.

In that case, the kid was too stupid be trusted not to hit me or the other kid with a chair, but I wasn't afraid of him and he did too many other ridiculous things at school for this to cause a note of irritation or anger to color my voice, so he wasn't even reacting to my tone.

Despite my past experiences, it's not the fear of a parent blaming me for their child getting in trouble or failing anymore. In the rural school where I teach now, the parents are much more likely to smack the kid than smack me when I discuss problems in class. Actually, the parents almost always talk good game. Whether or not the kid changes is entirely another story, but good intentions are always expressed and the teacher's standing as a bit of an authority figure is typically respected.

Which is totally weird because I've never felt like much of an authority figure.

No, the problem isn't actually the parents. It's me. I hate talking to people I don't know and I always feel like a bit of a buffoon trying to communicate with parents. I'm just glad they don't come at me in large groups. You can ask K. I turn into a bit of a cornered animal at her church functions. I don't know anyone well enough to feel comfortable with them and there are hundreds of them in the same place. I tend to hole up and turn inward or just focus on K (which is hard because she and her parents are making the rounds leaving me to sit at the table or wander the periphery on my own).

I can at least pretend to be a socially adjusted human being with just one or two parents, but there's always the jittery fear in my chest while I'm doing so and I'm constantly wondering just how much of an ass I'm making of myself. I'm not sure I could survive as a primary or elementary school teacher where even the worst parents are still making the pretense of caring about their kid's performance in school. My wife is likely to have her schedule full of parent conferences on parent-teacher conference night while I'm only going to see one.

It's odd that I can face a classroom full of teens without feeling the slightest bit of trepidation. I don't stammer, I don't doubt myself, and I don't feel the fear I do around strangers. I know my role in a classroom and know where the students belong in that particular relationship. The boundaries and roles are a lot more hazy when dealing with their parents.

Of course what is worse is that many of the parents seem to be afraid of me. Maybe I should wear pants to these meetings.