Friday, July 31, 2009

I May Have to Go All Angola on His Ass

I'm not ashamed to say that I threatened to hack my son to death with a machete today. I actually have a machete, more than one I think, but I made the comment entirely in jest and at a time when there was no chance he was in earshot, so I don't consider this abuse. Contrary to my sense of humor, I'm one of the least violent and least aggressive men I know. I couldn't even bring myself to hit my sister when we were kids and she didn't have the same restraint. Today's post title is as close as I can get to the exact quote of what I said to my wife when I realized her classroom was decorated with photos of E at an 11-5 ratio compared to images of me.

I'm not sure what I should be more embarrassed about. Is it worse that I casually joke about killing my only child, include a reference to a bloody civil war in a third world country in the joke, or that I was thinking about the Angolan flag when I cracked the joke?

Actually, I just checked with my wife. The only part that disturbed her was the fact that the image of the Angolan flag popped into my head right before I said this. It's not my fault that the flag was entirely relevant to the conversation.


Julie said...

I never realized you were a jealous person. I suppose it's better that E learn this early on.

Cj said...

you are a liar

1. You punched me full strength when I took the last of something out of the fridge.

2. You took your HUGE chemistry textbook and walloped me in the face when I was sitting at the computer and you wanted to use it.

3. You knocked a guy out in high school who stole a fry.

--- your sister ;-)

Courtney said...

I was going to call you a geek for knowing what the Angolan flag looks like, but then your sister's comment destroyed all your credibility. Now I don't know what to believe.

Jacob said...

I'm not entirely sure my sister's memory of the events are correct. I have no recollection of either of the first two events and have owned up to the third one before, but it's more of an exception that proves the rule.

Also, I'm sure my sister (if she's willing to be serious) would also be willing to admit that I'm much less aggressive than the average male. Heck, one of my friends once shot his brother out of irritation. Sure, it was just a BB gun, but that doesn't make it much better.

A Free Man said...

I've threatened serious harm to my first born child on more than one occasion this week. I think it's like checking out other women, as long as you don't do anything, the mental exercise is fine.