I really fucking want to buy a bunch of guinea keets. I can't really explain why, but herding my son's ducks in and out of the back yard fence each day has really made me want to spend a hundred bucks on 30 baby guinea fowl to turn loose on my property when they reach maturity. My dog actually lives with my parents now. We couldn't keep him in the back yard so we let him stay at my parents' house with their dog. Now I keep my birds in the back yard so they're safe when he decides to visit. Anyway, guineas are fucking metal and would kick his effing ass if he tried to mess with them. They also keep the snakes away as well as pretty much every other member of the animal kingdom smaller than them because they eat them. I also want to eat guineas. Guineas are tasty.
Speaking of edible animals, I've been thinking about buying guinea pigs so I can eat them. I was talking to my friend Severo on Facebook last night (he messages me every single time I'm up past midnight now) and he said I should not tell anyone about this urge. I think that's stupid. Guinea pigs were domesticated by South American Indians entirely for their edible parts. I think roast cuy over a bed of quinoa pilaf would be pretty damn tasty. Anyone who thinks that's weird should really get out more.
I've also been wondering what I'll do if more than half of my son's ducks turn out to be male. Unlike chickens, ducks tend to be pretty monogamous, so I actually need more than one male, but if I have more than half of them turn out to be male, a bunch of those dudes are pretty pointless. They'll be pointless and I really do love fried duck livers. Would I be a bad person if I killed and ate my son's birthday presents?