What I really mean when I say that I hate the future is that I just hate children, although even then I don't mean that in a specific way. I'm quite fond of my own son, although at times I'd much rather him be somewhere else. I'm even fond of many of my students. Instead, what I mean is that I hate the concept of children, or maybe just groups of children.
This is partly why I've hated coming to work so much this week. I'm not sure what the deal is. My classes are better than I expected when I saw my class assignments in the spring. Things are going pretty well. In fact, the last two semesters have been the best two semesters of my teaching career, and by a wide margin. I've just gotten to school each day this week and couldn't shake the desire to fake sickness and go back home. My reluctance to do my job has been so bad that I even had a nightmare about it last night. Technically, it was two nightmares. My alarm clock went off before the first one ended, and while I dozed for the nine minutes before it went off again, my brain picked right up where it left off. The details of the dream were pretty mundane. My class kept standing up and wandering around no matter how I scolded them. They broke a favorite DVD and glued it to the underside of the TV with bubblegum. It was the fact that in the dream I was losing my temper that made it a nightmare. I woke up a little angry and really dreading going to work today.
Ironically, actually teaching my classes today has lessened that irritation from this morning, but I still honestly dislike the concept of children, especially teenagers. To explain, here's a list of my top reasons to hate adolescents:
- They walk too god damn slow. They also tend to walk in groups side-by-side that take up the entire hall making it impossible to get past them when you're in a hurry, or just want to walk at a normal pace. They also tend to be oblivious of their surroundings so will walk backwards into you, cut you off, and generally hog the halls.
- They can't stop hitting each other. This is really aimed at those in the 9th grade or younger, and really just the boys, but it annoys the crap out of me. I've been reminded this semester why I quit teaching 9th-grade classes three years ago. It's because the only thing worse in the world than a 9th-grader is a 7th-grader. Hideous, hideous beasts.
- They tend to smell bad. When they don't reek of a natural stench, they're giving me a headache by emptying a can of Axe or the like into my room. I think I've already made my feelings for the inventor of Axe Body Spray incredibly clear.
- They listen to stupid music and like stupid movies, although this pretty much applies to the majority of people.
- Despite approximating adults in appearance, they're really just whiny little babies who always want Band Aids for tiny cuts that aren't even bleeding.
- They're such incredibly ignorant and backwards creatures. They have no concept of history, current events, or logic. You know those Jay Leno quizzes? The people he questions don't sound so outlandishly stupid after you've taught a few high school classes.
- They are the reason I have to wake up before 6 a.m. each morning, and, honestly, I would probably rather die than wake up in the morning if I didn't worry so much that death would be terribly uncomfortable.