Monday, September 14, 2009

Things I Learned Over the Weekend

1. Mormons kick ass at football. It's bad enough that when America collapses one day in the distant future that the Mormons will be the ones carrying the embers of American values and wisdom into the future, much like the Arab Muslims and Catholic monks did for Rome. Now we have to watch them dominate the rest of us on the gridiron. I guess if Brigham Young University and Utah can make a joke of the current BCS setup enough to finally get the college game's top tier to go to some manner of playoff I'll be able to accept this fact.

2. I find it rather strange that Mormons tend to be so fair in complexion. It's like they think they're Danes or something. How did Mormonism turn into a pseudo-ethnicity? Of course, when they aren't dirty blonde or paler, they tend to be Samoan.

3. I'm an asshole. When I found out that a friend was working on moving to another state to be with the woman he's been dating for a while, my first response was to mock him because his lady friend is significantly older than he is. Luckily for me, the guy is notoriously thick skinned and has known me since 7th grade. I'm also lucky because I had just gotten through feeding the guy a steak larger than his head and he was too sluggish to work up a good rage.

4. I feel horrible about the whole Caster Semenya thing. From the way the story is unfolding, it's looking like she wasn't a cheater. Instead it's looking like she the unfortunate effect of a rare medical condition in which her body doesn't recognize its own Y chromosome and gave her all the external physical attributes of the fairer sex while gifting her with underdeveloped testicles deep in her abdomen and a higher-than-normal testosterone level. The teen probably had no reason to suspect she wasn't what she thought she was until the results of tests started coming back in. Now she gets to find out the potentially mortifying news the same time the rest of us do. Unlike most people with this condition, who probably find out during some medical examination while not a celebrity or being accused of cross-dressing for success, she won't be able to control this information and how it's used against her. This isn't the first time it's happened and the last time it led to an attempted suicide.

5. Kim Clijsters' daughter is about the same age as my son. It would be totally awesome if my E manages to meet, woo, and marry that girl, although hopefully at least 18 years from now, if not much more. I'm not into child marriages. Then I could go around telling people that the mother of the bride at my son's wedding is Kim Clijsters. Of course, if I'm in the US at the time I make that claim, I'd get to hear a lot of "Who?"


Sid said...

In one of those tabloid pics they had a pic of Caster ... legs spread and penis clearly showing. And this was when the speculation started.

courtney said...

I feel bad for Caster Semenya too. She didn't do anything wrong, and now her anatomy is being scrutinized for the whole world. Poor girl.

If we lose touch and are no longer friends 18+ years from now, and I hear that E is marrying Clijster's daughter, I am totally crashing that wedding just to meet her. I'm warning you now.

Jacob said...

Courtney, if E marries Clijster's girl, I'm going to stand up right before the "I do", point menacingly at the mother of the bride and challenge her to a battle of the sexes tennis match during the reception.

I'm not sure why I'd do that, but for some reason I think I would.

Sid: I'm assuming that was a faked photograph because none of the news about the real tests have mentioned that and I'm sure if there were obvious reason for Caster to know she wasn't a girl they'd be calling her for cheating instead of being intersex.

A Free Man said...

I'm into arranged marriages. You don't have to have them tie the not this young, just get Kim to make an agreement. Think of how much teenage melodrama would be removed if the kid knows that he's got a bride by the time he turns 18.

Mormons. I went to graduate school with a fair few Mormons. They are surprisingly good at science as well. I'm fairly certain, however, that they're androids - hence the similarity in appearance. I'm also fairly certain that they're going to take over the world.