I Will Not Be a Hipster

Photo: Yo, adolescente, Flickr Creative Commons

I will not be a hipster. I will not wear skinny jeans, at least in part because my butt is too big. My posterior is bold, powerful, like those of Olympics sprinters. My keister considers Serena Williams' proud haunches kindred spirits. Only, I don't have the speed of those sprinters or the serve of Serena. My calves, on the other hand. Oh, my calves. My calves, they could kill a man.

Of course, I really shouldn't make fun of hipsters. I have too much in common with them. I have pretentious tastes in music and I consider myself the creative type. The only problem is that I'm not enough of a conformist to be a hipster. I'm so counterculture that I don't even have a style. I do kind of wish that I lived in a place like Atlanta's Little Five Points, though. I kind of like the places where the hipsters are.

I'd also like to offer up a round of congratulations to Donovan McNabb for getting traded to Washington yesterday. I've never understood why Eagles fans didn't appreciate the face of their franchise better. From getting booed when his name was announced at the draft to getting trashed every time the Eagles didn't win a freaking Super Bowl, this guy has never gotten the credit he's deserved. The team has only missed the playoffs twice in the decade McNabb's been the starter. Of those two seasons, McNabb missed a significant portion of one. They've managed double-digit win totals in all but three of those ten seasons and a better playoff record than the Colts. The guy may not have put up numbers that shock the league, but the truth is during those ten years, less than a handful of teams would have preferred their own QB over McNabb. Some of those teams even won Super Bowls with lesser QBs.

I can understand the frustration that the Eagles never won the Super Bowl with McNabb, but football is the most team-driven of team sports. You could blame Andy Reid's coaching style as easily (if not more so) than McNabb's play for the team's not-even-lackluster post season performances. The truth is just that Philly fans kind of suck as a group. I've never heard Indianapolis fans complain about the fact that Peyton Manning couldn't get it done. I mean, he played nine seasons before he managed to win a Super Bowl. Indianapolis usually even loses the first playoff game they play.

I hope the Redskins fans appreciate McNabb a little better, and I'm sure they will. They've sucked for so long now that they'll probably just appreciate a chance at the playoffs and by the time they're spoiled enough to get pissy about losing the NFC Championship Game, it'll be time for McNabb to hang up his shoulder pads and go into broadcasting.

Of course, I can't say that the Eagles themselves didn't have enough respect for McNabb in this issue. I can understand their choice. They seem to really think Kolb is the future and McNabb is probably closer to retiring than to his peak. They can't just sit on Kolb forever. Look at what happened to the Falcons and Matt Schaub. What shows respect is that they didn't just dump McNabb on whatever crappy team (Oakland) that would snap him up gladly. Instead, they listened to McNabb and traded him to Washington even though that now means that he will play for another team in the same division.

I kind of hope that Washington sweeps Philly this fall, not because I hate the Eagles, but because I'd like to see a guy I think was unfairly maligned by his own fans get a little revenge even if he's too classy to admit it.