A "Perfect" Finish to the Blogging Month

Go pop some popcorn or something. This one's a doosie, people.

Meaghan’s post about her perfect world got me thinking about what would make my world perfect. Some of what she included is unnecessary for me. I want neither a husband (good or otherwise) nor brother. My wife and sister are plenty enough, and my sister is more than enough of a jock to count as a brother anyway. Other things were actually contrary to my view of a perfect world, but instead of nitpicking Meaghan’s dream world, which is a truly pointless intellectual endeavor anyway, it being a fantasy world and all, I’ll just put forth my own perfect world. Keep in mind that it will be a very Jacob-centered perfect world, me being a very Jacob-centered person.

First off, I wouldn’t have to work to make enough money to eat, support my family, travel, or become a patron of the arts. I’ve got no need for a huge house (a library and a large, well-equipped kitchen wouldn’t hurt, though) or fancy cars, or private jets, but I don’t want to have to scrimp either. While we’re at it, we’re going to say that nobody else has to work if they don’t want to either. There are those really weird people who seem to have to have some sort of regular occupation to stay happy, so we’ll assume, this being a perfect world, that there are enough of them to provide the labor for the essential services of the world (food production, janitors and sanitation workers, teachers, and the like).

Travel to anywhere in the world would be hassle free, inexpensive, and rapid. I could step onto the light rail train in my rural hometown in the morning and quickly arrive at an airport in a nearby larger town and be in Auckland, New Zealand; Kyoto, Japan; Helsinki, Finland; or Reykjavik, Iceland by supper. Metropolitan rail systems would be efficient, and cover their area effectively. In other words, they’d be more like the light rail system in Washington, D.C. and less like MARTA in Atlanta that runs on time, but only gets to you a handful of places. Not only that, but they’d all be linked by rail systems that are so well run that they don’t end up with Amtrak’s reputation.

Cars would only be needed in rural areas and for road tripping. Since they’re used so rarely in day-to-day life, you wouldn’t need to feel guilty about taking a cross-country road trip.

Since I wouldn’t have to worry about showing up for any sort of work on a regular basis and wouldn’t have money worries, I could become a professional piddler slash hobo, which is really the ultimate lifestyle I can think of. I could run a small, boutique brewery in a converted rural farm homestead, but only brew when I feel like it. I could write travel memoirs, and articles for magazines about my trips. I could start up an organic vegetable and fruit farm, herd free-range geese and chickens, start up that genetic preservation ranch for rare-breed livestock that I’ve always dreamed about, but not have to stick with any one occupation longer than I want to. I could flit from job to travel to job to more travel without worrying about any of my business endeavors faltering because I’ve got one of those weirdoes who like to work running each and every one of them.

I did really agree with Meaghan on the eating thing though. I’d love to be able to eat as much good food as I liked and never get fat. With all that free time I’d have in this perfect world, I’d be cooking out the wazoo. You should see me in the kitchen during the summer months when I’m not working. I’m baking bread from scratch, grinding my own chili powder, and making my own beer from grinding the malt through carbonating in the keg or bottle. During the working part of my year, I’m lucky to feel like cooking a grilled cheese sandwich from pre-sliced bread and cheese(although I’ll never lower to the Kraft Singles type of cheese for a grilled cheese). I’d also love to drink as much beer and mead as I wanted without ever getting drunk, fat, or developing cirrhosis of the liver.

I would shift her ideal temperature range down about 10 degrees though. Once the temperature outside is above 75, I’m uncomfortable. I’m not even sure I’d put a bottom in on the range, though. I love the cold. It makes me feel more alive, happier somehow. Plus, you can always easily escape it with a fire and a big blanket. Heat’s a little more difficult to escape. There are only so many clothes you can peel off and only so many hours you can stay underwater.

I’d spend time in all the great Universities where I’d build up degree upon degree in about every non-mathematical field there is. I’d probably even tack on a couple of math majors just so I felt well-rounded. I wouldn’t need these degrees given that basically I’d be a glorified farmer slash hobo slash brewer, none of which require higher education (although there are degrees for those wishing to become brewers). I just love learning and really loved most of my college classes. I miss taking classes almost as much as I miss my college friends. Actually, I take that back. I miss the classes more because at least my blog is filled with comments from my college buddies and I even occasionally see them in person. I haven’t taken a college class of any sort since I packed away my Swahili and education books in 2004. I don’t miss the mild stress of deadlines and money and graduation schedules, but I’ve already established my lack of monetary limitations in this setting and since I have no need for them, the stress of possible failure or lower than expected performance disappears.

In the end, I would either die painlessly in my sleep the day before I realized that I couldn’t do the most important things I wanted to do anymore or forget that I wanted to be able to do those things without realizing I forgot anything. Or maybe I’d just want to do what was within my abilities and would be happy with that.

Actually, if I could ever achieve that last thing, I probably wouldn’t even need a perfect world. Here’s to becoming a Buddha. I’ve got the belly; now I just need the inner peace.

Om Ma Ni Pe Me Hung, baby!