Today I had to go into work for the first time in a month to sit in the library and try to fill out excessively complicated unit plans for the upcoming year. If that didn't make any sense to you, don't worry about it. Explaining it would bore you to tears and just make me angry. You only need to know that it's a lot of work and it aggravates my adult onset ADD. I spent most of the day staring at the back of the shirt on the guy in front of me trying to get myself to concentrate on the task at hand. Instead I memorized the names of the kids on the recreation department swim team from 2004. Good times.
Towards the end of the day when everyone else (except for the weird lady who seems to consider her personal and work lives to be one and the same) was getting as loopy as I had been the entire day, a story came out from one of my younger colleagues about one of her friends going to a bluegrass festival in North Carolina then having friends drop him off 30 miles away on the Appalachian Trail so he could walk to somewhere in Virginia for another music festival a month away. From the telling of the story, the decision seemed rather unplanned and the guy wasn't known for his survival or camping skills. In fact, the storyteller mocked him for his lack of ability to pitch a tent.
Most of the other teachers were shocked by this man's impetuosity and lack of forethought. My only reaction was "Cool!"
I've now found my calling in life; I'm going to circumambulate the world. I know there have been circumnavigations by plane, boat, motorcycle, and human power, but I'm sure it's been rare for anyone to try to walk the distance. Of course I'd have to resort to boat or plane over certain sections, but I'm willing to make the sacrifice.
I'm sure I could even convince Mickey to tag along, keep me company and tie all of my knots. (I'm actually surprised Mickey hasn't mocked my complete ineptitude with knots. I am nearly useless in that category of survival skills, although I'm sure I could take out a black bear in hand-to-paw combat. The grizzlies would put up more of a fight, but if I were fighting a male, I could at least go for the nuts like any smart but outmatched fighter does.) I may lose Courtney as a friend for luring her beau away on a long-term venture that doesn't bring him any salary or job skills, really, but, again, I'm totally willing to make that sacrifice. Mickey just has to understand that I'm not going to take her place.
My only problem is finding the money. I seriously don't have the savings to spend several years travelling the world by foot. I'm not sure I could go more than a month or two on what I have saved, and I'd prefer not to fund this venture through credit cards. I may be American, but that doesn't sound too smart to me. Despite his frugality, I seriously doubt Mickey could make things any easier for me financially. If this was just hiking the American mainland from Murchison Promontory in Nunavut to Cape Froward, Chile (the northmost to southernmost mainland points on the two continents), we could do this on just the cost of the food we ate and some special survival gear up front, and replacements and repairs along the way, probably just a couple of thousand bucks apiece including bribes for the occasional official. The whole circumambulation thing would require money for jet or ship tickets and double the cost of the trip just with the leg over the Pacific Ocean. Plus, Mickey would probably tire of tying all of my knots somewhere around Oklahoma and my body would be found on the outskirts of Cherokee Nation lands with all of my fingers crushed with a broken carabiner and each twisted into a different type of knot.
I do at least have my own backpacking equipment this time around and I know where I can get some goats, so he may put up with me until at least Utah. He seemed to talk a lot about goats on our last hike.
To jump abruptly back to the point of the point, basically, I'm looking sponsors. If you'd like to sponsor an attempt to walk around the world by a young and ruggedly masculine man frustrated with his buzzkill of a career, please leave a comment to this post with how I can contact you. Serious patrons only need apply.
8 comments:
I think you're screwed.
I first thought you could go that NASCAR route and wear various patches, etc. all over your body during the walk, but since nobody will actually ever see you, I'm thinking that might be a tough one to talk people into.
Maybe you could provide a service. Like a Pony Express style delivery... but with no pony, little express, and extremely limited coverage. But hey, at least people would know that their shit was delivered by That Walking Guy.
If you're going to take Mickey away from me, you're going to have to assume my place in his life. The dude's got needs. And thanks for pointing out that my friendship is so expendable. It makes me feel all warm and squishy inside.
As your traveling companion, I assume I won't be expected to lend my financial sponsorship. And if you do it right, you'd have to sail or row across the oceans. What's the Bering Straight, like sixty miles or so? And there are islands in the middle.
I'm all for going big, but maybe doing the AT as a warm-up would be in order.
I'm feeling kinda rejected, too. I'm sad that I've already commented on your posts, given you evidently don't want them unless I pledge money to your journey. Which I am not going to do.
Sponsorships are for wusses. If you're going to walk around the world, you've got to do the rely-on-total-strangers thing.
You share your wacky stories of adventure and nonstop walking, and in return people provide you with food, lodging, supplies, transportation and totally useless handmade trinkets.
Jacob, my first reaction is that you need to follow your dreams. Fuck sponsorship. You've set your intention, now get walking. The universe will provide.
Take it from me, a complete stranger. I found your blog as I was searching for the "Jacob" who lost his headlamp on the Appalachian Trail in North Carolina. I want to return it to the guy, but other than his name and a few digits of his phone number (who writes their contact info on the part that rubs against the forehead? duh!), I have nothing to go by. I guess this is the kindness-of-strangers thing Chris was talking about.
So you can thank Google for sending me to your blog.
But after reading your blog and your friends posts, I can tell you weren't the Jacob hiking on the AT in June. Perhaps you will be out there someday. I have done a lot of hiking, and the through-hikers I meet hiking the full trail are the best kind of people imaginable -- they take care of each other, and people along the trail take care of them too. The universe provides.
Good luck.
Is part of your plan to walk from Murchison Promontory, Northwest Territories, Canada to Cape Froward, Chile? This is the longest (latitudinally) contiguous intercontinental distance in the New World. I have often wondered if anyone has attempted this. I am too old, now but you could go for it. Good luck.
Yeah, I actually mentioned it specifically in the post.
Actually, I also forgot to mention that my wife would also look unkindly on this venture, so it will likely never happen.
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