Monday, September 15, 2008

Or Maybe I'm not

Yesterday's self-love session got me reminiscing about those freaking awesome skits I wrote back in the day.

Turns out the people who produced the campus comedy show may not have been such schmucks after all. I still find them to be fairly funny (not sure I dig the cheesy bumpers anymore, but no one is perfect). Actually the first one is freaking hilarious to me. It's classic high brow physical comedy.

I'm actually considering running a few of my old college-era writings with commentary over the next few days because self-mockery is fun!

The Stupid Series

The following three skits would be best used in same episode at different points in the show. Also would use same actor.

The Walker

[Man walks across the screen whistling. About half-way across the screen he falls down. Close-up of his face and he appears to be holding back tears. Cuts to black screen with white text. “Pointless.”]


[Guy sits on a stool in an empty room. There is no sound in the room and the guy stays motionless and has no expression. A moment of silence passes before he says anything.]

Guy: Darn.

[Cut to black screen with white text. “Darn is just a funny word.”]

The Poem

[Guy stands on stage in front of small coffee house audience. Dressed in black clothes and beret. A banner in the background says “Really deep poetry night.”]

Guy: Fungi ecstatic smothering on the edges of love.
Fat hate asphyxiating in the lust of the swamp.
Caves of melancholy cowardice,
Sinkholes of depressed success.
I’d fart with greed but I’ve lost all joy.
Obese, suicidal, I urinate, hit my sorrow,
But a month of ecstasy bashes all.
I throw. I pass. I bathe.
The greasy boll weevils of genius beat my dreams.
All is lard-filled.

[crowd golf claps and cheers of “genius,” bravo” and “encore” are heard. Guy bows. Cut to black screen and white text “Stupid.”]


sid said...

Love the second one.

sid said...

Also you've given me an idea. Think I might try my hand at skits and maybe even transcripts. Should be something different.

Courtney said...

I'd just like to say that I've never met anyone who loves the words "highbrow" and "lowbrow" as much as you. At least one of them makes an appearance in most of your posts.

Mickey said...

The ridiculousness of that poem shows some promise, but I'm not sure about the rest of it. Maybe I'm just not seeing it.

Jacob said...

Sid: Thanks and glad I may have inspired you.

Courtney: I'm sorry, but I didn't realize that 7 uses in nearly 400 posts counted as excessive use. Seriously, any art or film critic is going to use these two terms more frequently than me.

Courtney said...

Touchy, touchy.

Chris said...

I like the poem best, too. You totally could have gotten that published in the literary mag --- only I don't think they would have realized it was meant to be a mockery.

Jacob said...

Courtney: Not really, I just can't figure out what caused the term to stick out in your mind. It's not like I'm dropping discombobulated once a month, which would be an oddly frequent usage.

And the fact that you've never mentioned my truly excessive use of "actually" to start sentences. I think I did that twice in Wednesday's post.

Julie said...

Challenge: Use one random - unusual - word in your next post and in every post thereafter. See who notices.