Now I Just Feel a Vague Sense of Dread

I think I've been pretty clear about my own disdain of my enthusiasm for Obama before and during election day. At the same time I'm cheering the news of Ohio going Obama (seriously, that was a huge moment for me), I'm also admonishing myself for caring so much. True, I would have voted for the guy regardless. He's the closest of those having run this time around to my political beliefs, but I didn't have a problem keeping a realistic attitude toward Gore or Kerry. Heck, I didn't even vote for Gore. I decided to vote for Nader in the hopes of giving the Greens the same luxury the Libertarians have in Georgia of having a guaranteed spot on the ballot with the two big parties.

Now that it's all over, I'm like a young Johnny Cash on a Sunday morning coming down. It's as if the magic has dissipated with CNN's retarded holograms and now I'm just expecting Obama to let me down. Don't get me wrong. I don't think he'll be anything like the disaster of the last eight years. He may even turn out to be one of the better presidents in recent history, but more than likely he'll turn out to be human. With his charisma, he may end up like Reagan and leave behind a memory of a president of mythical proportions that overshadows the realities of the administration, but the fact of the matter is that nothing has happened yet. He's not even president. We won't have a clue if he'll have any worth as a president for years.

Of course Mickey and Chris stole my thunder here. They both responded today to a post I wrote only hours after realizing that I really had voted for the winner for once. I was still a little high from the experience, although I don't remember it being as pie-in-the-sky-we-just-elected-Jesus-riding-a-unicorn-of-love-and-hope as some of the other posts and comments I've seen on blogs the past couple of days. In fact, I was a little bit crushed that those two couldn't just bow before the power of my past prognostication instead of pissing all over my little victory lap. You, sirs, are bastards and probably closeted George W. Bush lovers. Both of you should be aware I take my metaphors literally and I like them cold. There will be refrigerators involved. And urine.

But on with my presidential predictions!

1. Barack Obama will end up being a disappointment as president for his supporters and a pleasant surprise for those who didn't trust him. I'm not saying he'll be bad. I'm just saying he set the bar for himself really freaking high with all that inspiration and hope he was dealing out. He's going to be just another president. We'll end up slightly better as a nation because of him, but don't expect the environment to be saved, the corporate culture to be cured, or education to be significantly improved. Hopefully, we'll take a few steps in the right direction on those areas, but from the way people (including myself at times) were acting, the guy was supposed to balance the budget while making us all smarter, better looking, and giving us all bigger penises. Because of his charisma and the fact that I don't see this guy being unable to keep his pants on (he's perhaps the most controlled candidate ever and I don't get the slimy feel I do with Bill Clinton), he'll be re-elected easily in 2012 by defeating Huckaby (two predictions for the price of one).

2. John McCain is done. I'm not really going out on a limb to say that a 72-year-old man won't try another stab at an incredibly stressful job, but his concession speech made me think he's pretty much done after this.


I do have to give John McCain props for that. It was a beautifully written and wonderfully graceful way to bow out. He actually went out of his way to acknowledge the good in Obama's win. There were no backhanded compliments. No bitterness even in his tone. The Republicans were freaking idiots for letting this man slip through their fingers in 2000. Do you really think this guy would have screwed the pooch as badly as Bush has?

By the way, check minute 8:20 of that video and watch the reactions of McCain and Palin to the crowd. That kind of sums up my opinion of the two entirely. The old man is uncomfortable with the riffraff he sold out to in order to be nominated while the governor seems to thrive on that sort of hate.

3. Palin will be the first woman president. I was right when I said four years ago that Obama would be our first black president, but I really hope I'm wrong here. I just don't think I am. She's as charismatic as he is. I don't think I've ever seen a VP candidate ever become such a huge star even after her poor performance in interviews, ethics charges in her home state. People with a liberal leaning may not be affected by her magnetism because we're repelled by her politics, but not everyone cares so much about the issues or even disagrees with her. I don't think she'll run successfully in 2012. I think that Obama will do at least a decent job at being a centrist president which will probably win over many of those who doubted him this time around. He'll hit the re-election campaign season as a nearly unbeatable incumbent. She may play around in the primaries to build her image, but she'll be waiting for the 2016 race where she'll meet Hillary Clinton in the general election. Clinton will carry the traditionally blue states, but not a state beyond that. We'll end up with a version of W in the office with two X chromosomes and a significantly more IQ points. That's a lot of capital letters and a formula for crap.

Please god let me be wrong. I don't want my son to come of age under that.

As for that open letter to Obama, forget it. I'm not wasting another post on politics or that crummy old President-elect. Now that I have him I'm ready for a new conquest.