Wednesday, December 17, 2008

I Bet Santa Uses These on Mrs. Claus

I was thinking about writing a book of pick up lines and I thought I'd run a few ideas past my readers. Now, I have to admit, I think honesty is necessary for a lasting relationship and my pick up lines reflect that. Of course, most men using pick up lines aren't really looking for lasting relationships, but I'm sure they'll find they will get what they want from women who respond to these lines.
  1. "Say, how about we go make a hotdog burrito?" This one lets them know right up front what your intentions are as well as impressing them with your grasp of figurative language.
  2. "You know, I've always thought it was quite romantic that salmon will return to the stream of their birth to reproduce. What do you think about letting me swim up your stream to spawn?" With this beauty you again show a grasp of figurative language and honesty, but you also show a sensitive and educated side that may not have been evidenced in option one.
  3. "Excuse me, but I'm having a little trouble with these directions. Could you help me insert tab A into slot B?" You can personalize this and really impress the girl if you use each of your initials instead of the A and B.
Of course, you can use these as well if you're a woman. There's no reason the guys should be the only creepy pigs hanging out in bars scamming on the other sex. I'd probably avoid using number two if you're of the female persuasion, though. It just doesn't make sense coming from the other direction.

And I have used these lines on K. I'm quite fond of #3, actually. However, they never seem to work for me. K just laughs and keeps doing what she was doing before. Still, I'm sure that when the person you're using these on is not married to you (or at least doesn't know you enough to know you're an entirely unsexy idiot) that they will be guaranteed to work.


Julie said...

Wow. #2 is incestuous. That's kinda the height of creepy. Congratulations.

Courtney said...

I'm pretty sure all of those would get you a laugh, but not much else. Such is the nature of the pick-up line.

Mickey said...

My comment is for the quote in the sidebar: word.

Chris said...

Women also like it when you flash your junk at them from across the room. They won't admit it, but they like it.

Julie said...

As always, Chris makes me laugh when he's dirty.