Hank sent me a link today for a company that will print your business cards on beef jerky. No, I'm not kidding. I find this both amazing and vaguely offensive. While handing out your contact information on meat seems at first to be the pinnacle of human ingenuity and enterprise, I can also imagine some starving kid in Burma hearing about this and slitting his wrists with a sharp rock in despair at the unfairness of life.
Speaking of the unfairness of life, people really need to teach their teenagers personal hygiene. I know the stereotype of adolescence is a kid who takes something like three or four showers a day, but those kids, unfortunately for me, aren't the majority, at least not in the schools where I've taught. Nope the majority fall somewhere between the barely bathed to the grotesque. It's bad enough that I have to see these greasy, matted beasts of humanity (and to realize these kids actually manage to keep friends despite their disgusting lack of cleanliness), but they also leave my room, the halls and bathrooms here reeking with the musk of youthful metabolisms raging with newly ample hormones. God, they stink.
Of course it's worse in middle school and ninth grade. My high school students used to complain whenever they had a class in my room after I taught the seventh-graders. Still, even my tenth-graders can get a little ripe.
Oh, and for those of you who walk around with hair that looks downright wet: I've recently experimented with only shampooing two or three times a week. I'm an oily person, but I've found that a little warm water and a quick finger-scrub keeps my hair from looking greasy and gets it to obey my will and hairbrush so that I don't look like rats have begun nesting in a grease trap on top of my head. I also understand that some people who don't sweat easily and have drier complexions can pull off skipping a day or two of showering. You can't tell when my mom skips a day, for example. However, that group is pretty close to being mutually exclusive with the grouping of teenage boys.
It's true that you, the unwashed soon-to-be-man, may have to sacrifice a little sleeping time in the morning to get in that much-needed shower, but you owe it to the rest of us not to make us nauseous when you enter our personal space.