No, Courtney, this post isn't really about clowns. It's safe for you to keep reading.
I think the saddest person in the world has to be a coke fiend with a sinus infection. You may counter that, in fact, a heroin junky with collapsed veins would be the saddest person in the world, but those people are freaking resourceful. They will find a way to get that brownstone into their system. In fact, I would argue that heroin addicts are quintessential Americans in that regard.
Cocaine users, on the other hand, could just switch to crack and smoke it, something that wouldn't be affected much by their clogged sinuses, but those who use cocaine have too much pride to lower themselves to using the upper alternative of the poor. These people wear fancy clothes, suits to work, and drive their one-night-stands home in fancy cars. They can't be caught fondling a crack pipe!
You may also try to counter that smokers facing a new government cigarette tax are the saddest people in the world. This is patently not true. They're just the whiniest people in the world. Cocaine addicts with sinus infections are much more sad.
Why am I rambling on about cocaine users with sinus infections, you ask? Let's just say that if I had saved and weighed all of the issue blown forth from my nostrils these past few days that I'm not sure that I'd be exaggerating if I said it would have been measured in pounds. This is the sort of thing I think about while blowing my nose.
I am in no way implying that I use or have used cocaine. I think I've made it clear in the past that if I were to take illegal drugs, I would much prefer downers over uppers.