Nuclear Proliferation Rocks or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

I was reading today about how North Korea is appears to be dismantling their nuclear facility and I was struck by how horrible this is. I'm all for nuclear proliferation. I realize that this puts me in an exclusive club that really is only peopled by third world dictators, but it makes perfect sense to me. I don't have any naive conceptions that all these countries are led by responsible men who won't use them unless it's a last ditch act of self defense. We all know how kooky Kim Jong-il, the only dictator who would have gotten his ass kicked a lot as a kid had he not been the previous dictator's kid, is and no one is going to trust him not to use them if he gets them. In fact he'd probably do it as research for his latest Broadway-style musical production. It'd probably be titled The Glorious Leader Turns Evil Empire into Tiny Glowing Butterflies of Progress or something.

No, the reason that I full-heartedly endorse nuclear proliferation is that I don't want to get old. Nope, I want to die suddenly and unexpectedly the day before I would have realized that I'm getting to old to really be able to do what I want to do anymore. The only way this will ever happen is if every crackpot Pol Pot wannabe, terrorist, and corner drug dealer has at least a small collection of suitcase nukes at his disposal, because I don't want to die a painful normal death. I don't want to suffer through a massive heart attack, get shot, stabbed, fall and break my bones and perforate my organs. I want to be vaporized by a massive nuclear explosion above my head as I'm walking down the street. I think it would be a very preferable way to die. One second you're walking down the street, whistling a jaunty tune, and the next second no one molecule of your body is physically connected to another.

So with this blog post, I formally announce the creation of the International Association of Peoples for Nuclear Proliferation in Order to Assure Quick, Painless Deaths, or IAPNPOAQPD for short. Membership is either $25 sent to me or some nuclear research secrets to pass on to third world dictators or terrorists.